Brrrr ....

Why is it that the first really cold morning always feels so much colder than it does later in the season?  This morning was in the mid-thirties, not quite freezing, but close enough to get your attention.  The wind blew in a definitely cold front last night.  It was preceded by a light shower and stirred up a lot of leafy activity, mostly in the front of my entry court gate where it likes to collect.  As I opened the gate, I saw that the Optimists' Club had set out the flag for Veterans Day.

Last night, as the cold moved in, I sat before the TV finishing the next Baby Boy sweater.  It is for Husker's first grandson whom he will never get to know.  So I made Baby Boy a sweater to make his Grandpapa happy.  Go Huskers!  Next up -- cap and booties to match.  It is made from Berroco Comfort DK in colorways True Red (2751), white (2700), and black (2734).  I trust you can see the Nebraska logo just fine!  Pattern?  Ask me.  It is free. 

Group Grief Thingy

 

 Went to my first group grief thingy Tuesday.  Three social workers and three grievers.  Hmmm ...

At any rate ... The other lady had been married to her husband for 63 years.  He died last February, and she was just now getting to this group.  She has yet to part with anything that was his.  What is wrong with me?!  The Salvation Army is coming to take Allen's clothes and Airdyne away.  The man on the other side of me was married 40+ years and still finds himself talking to her. Yeah, I talk to Allen occasionally, and in fact, I start to say something, then catch myself.  I was wishing that I had brought my own box of tissues.  The hospice tissues were crappy quality.  Too rough.  My nose began to bleed.  Maybe I am not so good at this widow thing.  I should have taken my knitting with me. 

I have two things on the needles despite my promise to finish one item before beginning another one.  Okay -- I am knitting Husker's expected grandson a Husker sweater, but you still have to have socks to carry around with you.  I am knitting a pair of Honey Badger socks.  Incredibly easy pattern.  I can take them with me to group grieving next Tuesday.  My Husker would have loved the little red sweater that I designed for his grandson. 

Next week we will talk about the stages of grief.  I sure wish we had talked about it this time.  I want to know why I still break into tears and screaming after a month.  When does this stop.  I talked to Allen's Uncle Grant (a hotty at 90 years and has a girl friend), and he told me that he still thinks about his wife after all these years.  I do not want to feel this crappy forever.  Allen was a wonderful companion, but the pain is unbearable.  Why can't I get over this? 

Our group assignment for next week is to write down our feelings and anything we want to say about our grieving process.  Does this account on my blog count?  What do I say? Does anger management come into the therapy sessions?  Yes, anger. 

The other lady in the group actually lives in my neighborhood.  I thought about calling her up to see if she would like to go to a movie or something.  I got cold feet, but did mention it to a friend who encouraged me to proceed.  I did.  She is interested!  Maybe this will be good for both of us.  I also promised a review of the movie for a friend's community paper in California.  Good excuse to go.

I have looked at the Humane Society web site for our area.  Should I adopt?  I don't have a back yard.  I don't want to walk a dog several times a day.  Forget about it ...Should I start dating eventually?  No one would be as comfortable as Allen.  Forget that, too. 

Allen only had 3 problems:  He was a libertarian/republican, he smoked, he would not exercise, he was a packrat.  Okay, so he had 4 problems.  Otherwise, he was considerate, thoughtful, supportive, and always put me first.  He also did the cooking. 

I am drinking too much wine. 

Maybe I will use this in my report to the group next week.  

Little Husker

With a little Husker arriving in December, I decided to get my act in gear.  No little boy blue in sight!  We are making our baby boy a red pullover.  Can you see where this is going?  Grandpa Husker would have been proud. 

Getting back to life as we know it

It has been three weeks and a day since my life changed forever.  Time to get on with the rest of it.

I have turned my hands back to my knitting and completed my friend, Carolyn's, socks.  Usually, socks are a 2-3 week project, but the time was disrupted by a trip to Omaha for a second celebration of life.  I finished the socks this morning with my second cup of coffee. The yarn is Knit Picks' colorway, Lake Front, and the pattern is Catherine by Kate Blackburn.  I learned a couple of tricks from this pattern.   

Now,  I want to make something for our latest family addition, a boy.  I attended his baby shower last Saturday and can definitely say that he does not need caps!  I deliberately held off on the knitting just so I would know where the gaps are.  He does not have any cardigans or pullovers, and nothing coordinated.  He is due on December 23rd.  Red!  Huskers!  Oooooh . . . .