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Saturday, November 3, 2012

Knitting as Therapy and Meditation

When my Allen was diagnosed and subsequently became sicker, knitting became my therapy -- my way to combat the stress.

When I told the ladies at my LYS about his illness, I discovered that the shop owner had lost her first husband to the Big C, too, when she was a young mother.  She also dealt with it through her knitting.

So I plunged into socks and attacked my skills to make them meet my standards and expectations.  Allen admired and encouraged me along the way.  The rhythm of the clicking needles meditated me into a calmer state.  The beauty of the outcome embraced my creativity.  The colors inspired me.

Family was attentive, but nothing will ever be the same again.  He left behind 5 wonderful children, show here with his daughters.  He was proud of all of them.  And he always let them know it. 

Now that he is gone, knitting is a fragile defense against loneliness and depression.  Life must be rebuilt.  So what should life be now?  How should I structure my days?  It cannot be only church, work, knitting, gym, and the TV.  Where will love and companionship be?

I have a couple more trips to make.  I will deliver his ashes to Monterrey Bay, and visit friends and family on the west coast (May 2013?), and maybe retrace part of our last trip (September 2011) to the west coast together.  Our bucket list also included a fall drive to Vermont.  It would not be fun to go alone.  Those things are to be enjoyed with someone.  But who?

Dear friends here and yon may become only memories.  

I must also find a grief group.  I will take my knitting.  Knitting will help heavy words flow lightly. 

I will love him forever. 

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